Amidst gasps of disbelief, and a few hushed bursts of "I knew it!", Barry Bonds revealed in a press conference this past week that in addition to being the all-time single-season home run leader, he is, in fact, Serena Williams.
Bonds credits his desire to be a two-sport athlete and a chance meeting between he and Richard Williams, Serena's father, in 1997 as the impetus for the remarkable 9-year masquerade.
"Richard and I ran into each other at a hotel bar in Phoenix, and he kept going on about how good Venus was, but how he wished he could make even more money. After a few drinks, the plan started coming together."
With Bonds cycling off steroids during the off-season, the opportunity to fulfill his lifelong dream of being a women's tennis star seemed closer than ever. Richard Willams recounts their first discussion:
"Venus was great. But she was quiet, and had no competition-which means no endorsements, which means the end of the gravy train. My other three kids have no talent-I mean none-and I'm done changing diapers. This seemed like the best option."
When asked if he had any regrets surrounding the sham, Bonds seemed defiantly unapologetic, and had only this to say:
"It was all worth it. All the accolades, the attention, the trophies. I mean seriously-I've seen Anna Kournikova, Maria Sharipova and Jennifer Capriati buck-ass naked. How the fuck you gonna turn that down?"
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